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Early in my position as executive director of United Way, I gave a presentation to a local company. Afterwards, there were a few people with questions, including one man who waited to speak to me privately. He asked if I knew the primary reason he gave. I guessed: believing in our mission, wanting to make a difference or help others.
He shook his head and said while all those things were true, he gives because his family had relied on services supported by United Way. Others were there for him when he needed it. He was now paying back because he could.
His words have always stayed with me. Like other donors, I tended see the charitable world in terms of “us” and “them.” There were people who helped, and those who needed help. That was one reason I took the job as executive director. It was why I volunteered my time on boards and committees, and donated money and items, and served in the Peace Corps.
But it didn’t take long to realize that I was not just a donor or helper. Following graduation from university, as I was getting financially on my feet, I lived out of my car and relied on a network of friends and acquaintances for lodging and food. While in the Peace Corps, I fell ill a few times, which included contracting malaria and botulism (fortunately not at the same time.) Those were times when I needed serious help. I gave, but more to the point, I received. I am here today because others were there for me yesterday.
It is a humbling fact that those who have less, proportionally, give the most. While a greater percentage of wealthy households give, according to a 2013 study by the National Center for Charitable Statistics, people making $45,000-$50,000 gave 4 percent of their income, which dropped to 2.4 percent for those making $200,000-$250,000.
I suspect this has to do with paying back. Chances are lower-income families are more acquainted with asking for help with basic needs. It is as sobering as it is life changing. Being dependent on others makes us more open to giving back.
Acknowledging help is also a revolutionary idea in our culture that praises independence and sees dependence as a weakness rather than typical or a necessity — or better yet, a way to foster gratitude and compassion. We are all dependent on others at some point, and I have evolved to see this as good. The illusion of independence can breed division, elitism and contempt.
The last point is important and has received more attention with Black Lives Matter, Stop Asian Hate and similar movements. The cult of independence has come under increased scrutiny as it can start looking like a form of privilege and an excuse to not help others. This isn’t a moral argument — though, it could be that — as much as it has real-world implications. Issues addressed by charity, like meeting basic needs and providing education and health care, still show great racial and ethnic disparity despite huge investments. The Black-and-white wealth divide hasn’t budged since 1968 (Historic Survey of Consumer Finances via Minneapolis Fed and University of Bonn), and is a stark indicator of an us-versus-them mindset.
An interesting outcome of this is that the overall giving pie is moving more towards the ultra-wealthy. John List, an economics professor at the University of Chicago who studies giving, says this shift can be dangerous. “Rich people give to causes that rich people want to give to,” he said. “You have a very different supply of goods and services from the charitable community when the rich people give versus when people from the middle or lower classes give.”
I’ve come to love the notion of giving as paying back, or even paying forward. The world is not split into donors and recipients, and such a false division doesn’t serve anybody. Our community is better served when everybody gives back, regardless of means and size of gift.
During this holiday season, we celebrate the giver in all of us as much as we give gratitude to all who have helped us: the social service agencies who feed and shelter us, the parents who help guide us from poverty, and the caretakers who save us when we are sick.
John Bidwell is executive director of United Way of the Franklin and Hampshire Region, focusing on poverty and low-income challenges and supporting the agencies that serve those populations.